Valuable Notes that will guide you in the dating game
Many moons ago, I felt like I was misled by several persons into believing the notion that I could not trust myself. I was a crazy person with an overactive imagination. I was so disconnected from that part of myself that was not designed to ever misguide me, I ignored all the red flags and went through some red lights. I indulged in many events that lead to, in my opinion, unnecessary heartaches. Uncannily, I felt as though I had a special relationship with the Universe (God). In hindsight, I know now that I was not crazy. I would dream of a particular thing or a series of events often when it occurred in reality; there was always a direct connection to what I saw in my dream.
How many times were you in a situation where your instincts/intuition alerted you and when you ended up in a confrontation, you knew that you were being lied to… I bet lots huh! Although everything in me knew that I was being taken for a ride, I somehow managed to allowed outside influences to do a 360 degree on the knowing I should confidently embrace.
The explanations to whatever the situation was in the moment sounded perfect until reconnected to my intuitive thought process. I thought to myself, damn! I remembered when I relayed how I felt or innocently shared my dream. I heard statements such as, “your imagination is playing games with you”, or “you are a witch” (my two favorites). The latter was usually followed by a chuckle which was meant to be funny in the moment, but it was not.
Developing and trusting the inner you is an art that has to be constantly nurtured for you to walk successfully in the guidance of Divine Knowing. I do not believe there is one particular formula for mastering the art of connection. Most definitely pay close attention to your inner and outer surroundings at all times would be a great place to start. I am not suggesting that you develop paranoia that can keep you in a state of worry and or suspicion.
Everyone has a rhythm. Learn to tune into that rhythm—the natural one, not the one created to impress at the beginning—believe me, we all have it.
Feelings, both physical and emotional, were given to us for a purpose. It is a one-of-a-kind gift from the Creator which helps us to become aware when something in our body or surroundings is a bit or a lot off. With the body, it is easy to decipher. You may either ache, get a chill or develop a fever. These are natural signs that tell you that something is going on. Emotionally, I believe it is the same as well. For example, an uneasiness in the pit of the stomach, you may feel fear or develop goose bumps, you may experience stomach flip flops. There is that little alarm that goes off somewhere in your being that lets you know that something does not feel right. You really have to be attentive because it shows up differently for everyone. It is a vibration; when the vibe is good, it feels great, and when the vibe is off, you can feel it with every fibre in your body.
Develop the art of listening, not just to what is going inside of you, but pay close attention to what is being said, tone of delivery, body language. And most important to the way you feel about the information you are receiving. Listen to hear, not to respond herein lies the difference. Many of us listen to respond; hence, most of what is said can be missed or misinterpreted. Believe me, when you are being lied to, it is something you feel to your core. Words have vibrations. At the same time, it is also imperative that you do not allow your own interpretation to frazzle what you do not fully comprehend in the moment. Effective listening requires that you have a clear head to connect to the information you are receiving. This goes beyond the spoken word.
If you were lied to on numerous occasions, you would most certainly be familiar with what I have shared so far or have an idea of what I am talking about. Not to sound cynical but, I find it unbelievably easy to spot a liar. I can almost see him before he turned the corner.
One important observation I have made is this: when you are connected to a smooth-talking-hiving-jiving brother, no matter how good what he says sounds, or how perfect he says it, how smooth as butter he is, or how well he can spell your name backward. Absolutely no one that I have met can fake sincerity to someone who is divinely tuned in. The one thing he is seldom able to do is to synchronize his actions with his word. Bingo! This is a giveaway trait that would later reveal his true intentions. I chuckle at some of the memories that made me aware of this.
Dating is a lot of fun but will admit that it requires focus and attention to not get played. There are so many dishonest folks floating around this makes things unnecessarily complicated. As a result, you always have to pay close attention to every detail, “All that glitters is not gold”. From the time you think you may have an interest in someone, open up your entire being, or as the famous saying goes, put up your antenna, and tune in to his signals. You will find that his intention is revealed within the first 5 to 10 minutes of the conversation. I am being ridiculous of course but you get the drift.
The one thing you need to know when being pursued is: it is never about you, well, in a way, but it is mostly about him unless his intentions are genuine. Here is the thing though (endorsed by my male friends) men and women are wired differently 99% of the times when a man meets a woman he is not trying to figure out if she is wife material, his main intention is getting some. Maybe it’s the same for some women since women are just as liberated in the dating game as men are. Most women on the other hand is always thinking of the future from day one she doesn’t even take the time to establish if she would like him for that long. These days the dating game is more loose sex is first on the agenda and then love follows so it is a lot easier to tell. Long ago, a guy would take you out on several dates before he makes his first move. In these times, everything seems to be on SPEED… “Hi, my name is… Which bed/backseat?” I do not think they care to know your name. The name of his game is “Pursue To Conquer”. If you play hard-to-get they will slide right on over to the next in line.
Word to You
If you pay close attention, some of the insecure ones reveal selfish traits from jump street, they are very into themselves in their pursuit they would constantly and consistently put you down, especially if you are an independent and appear grounded. The objective is to DOMINATE.
Be very aware and be clear about what you expect from a partner/lover/companion. Be honest with yourself about what is acceptable or would not acceptable, be it a particular situation or character trait.
If something shows up that makes you uncomfortable, do not quietly hang around and hope that it would disappear. Learn to speak up early in the relationship because as you get more familiar with each other, what was a ‘small thing’ in the beginning can become an out-of-control issue.
I am not sure who programmed women to believe that they absolutely have to be in a relationship by a certain age, and married with children. As a result of this programming, most women allow fear to seep into their psyche, which only clouds their judgment. Most succumb to fear of being alone, fear of growing old alone, fear of not getting married, fear of their biological clock ticking away, fear of not having someone to be seen with. Do not succumb to unwanted situations just to appease these fears. Dating or relationships should be fun which ever type you choose to indulge in.
Do not pursue any relationship if what you are getting does not align with what is ideal for you, not even if it is a casual fling. Do not be afraid to take a moment to be selfish. Pursue only that which brings you a sense of peace and fulfilment. Above all, whatever you do, remember to trust the inner you.
© Paulla De Souza 2021.
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