Healing Begins With YOU An Insight To Recovering From A Heartbreak

3 Ways you can contribute to Your healing

Healing, whether recovering from a broken heart, betrayal, disappointment, or lost loved one is a consistent, ongoing process. I wish I could tell you that healing at any level is easy-breezy because there is no easy way to recover from a loss, pass hurt, betrayal, or disappointment. It takes every ounce of determination, courage, and strength that is embedded in the depth of your being, and you really cannot accomplish that without faith in your Higher Being and consistently doing the work.  

I have discovered that the healing process only begins when we are ready to forgive and let go. Begin with self before moving along to others. A lot of times when a situation in our life does not work out, our first natural instinctive reaction is to blame ourselves. We launch our self-attack of if only, coulda, woulda, shoulda. Maybe I should have said it another way, maybe if I could have, I would have done things differently… What we do not realize is that there really is a time and a season for everything, and in most instances when things do not turn out the way we expect it to, it is not always our fault. It is usually no one’s fault. People really do come into our lives for a reason and a season and when the time is right, even if you do not feel ready, the relationship will end without a warning and at times for the simplest, most flippant reason. It will feel as though you have been dropped from the tallest building; it is confusing, but it is just the way it is. Struggling to understand will only send you deeper into the confusion of trying to understand what happened.  

1. Let it go! The first part of the letting go process is acknowledgment and trust. Acknowledge that life and everything that is a part of life is a cycle. Trust that the Universe only allows that which is for your highest good into your reality. Some encounters are necessary to open you up to grow into the best version of yourself. Acknowledge that maybe there was nothing you could have done differently that would have changed the outcome of the situation. You would never get a second chance at the same exact situation with the same exact people. Though I have had experiences where it seemed as though I had come full-circle with a familiar situation, the circumstances and people were always different. My thought in hindsight whenever that occurred was my opportunity to put the lesson learned from the previous situation into action. So quit the blame game, everything you experience has a lesson attached.  
2. Take responsibility. We all have a conscience and should have a good sense of what is right from wrong. Honest, self-introspection can help you to get clear in regards to the part you played in the situation or the other person’s life. Sometimes an apology might be necessary, whether verbally or written. I believe in writing that way, you can say all that you need to say clearly and lovingly without interruption. Speaking face to face can be a little bit nerve-racking and somewhat intimidating. Be the better man and say you are sorry if you need to. When you share what is in your heart then letting go and keeping the peace within becomes a little less burdensome. Another profound insight came from one of the books I have read by Iyanla Vanzant she opened up my consciousness to the idea that we are the ones that allow others into our lives and in most instances we never set clear boundaries or communicated clearly with one another as to what our expectations are so when ish go south, take the fall don’t blame them as matter-of-fact don’t blame yourself either. Just make a note on how you can do things differently and implement same into your future. The truth is people will always disappoint us at some point or the other none or us are perfect. Learning to forgive and move on is the most powerful antidote to your healing journey.
3. Connect with Universal Truth. Understand that what has happened or is happening is bigger than you. God always has a plan and a purpose for everything that has occurred. Tucked away in every painful experience is a life-changing lesson. Every disappointment comes with an opportunity to experience a miracle and growth. We just have to learn to rise above the pain and get it, when we stop dwelling on the pain everything becomes crystal clear. There is a concept that I embrace, which is, we are all a part of a giant puzzle, we all have our part to play in each other lives. When we stop living as if we are a one man’s island and stop being selfish, only then would we be able to live and experience the commandment of loving one another as we love ourselves.

Love and forgiveness is the signature that seals the deal to healing. The sooner you get that is the faster you will heal.

However, I need to be clear about one thing, I am not endorsing allowing someone to wilfully dump on you. That would not be fair to anyone. If you are navigating the end of a romantic relationship trust that you will know when the situation is no longer right for you, and you may have to be the one to say enough is enough. Do so in a loving, kind way. Granted not everyone will have this mindset, and some folks can be very dramatic and insensitive. You are only responsible for yourself and knowing that you have done the right thing, will give you the peace of mind you will need to support you throughout your healing process.

There is a song that I refer to as the ultimate break up song from one of Andrew Lloyd Webber’s many compositions. It says, “Don’t write a letter when you want to leave, don’t call me at 3a.m from a friend’s apartment. I’ll like to choose how I hear the news, take me to a park that’s covered with trees, tell me on a Sunday, please. Let me down easy, no big song and dance, no long faces, no long looks, no deep conversation… don’t leave in silence with no words at all, don’t get drunk and slam the door, that’s no way to end…” I am sure you get the drift.

Breaking off a relationship is never easy even if the person was completely anal; it requires tact and a whole heap of confidence and knowing your self-worth. Friendships and love relationships don’t always have to end in drama. Remember you can choose the way you want to end your relationship, whichever relation it is, ending with love and kindness will aid in your healing process.  

I know many of us are still on a path to discovering a better way to day-to-day living. Try to appreciate the people you have in your lives as often as you can, as tomorrow is promised to no one. So just in case, if death is the one snatching your love one from your life you, would be at peace knowing that you have expressed love and appreciation constantly, consistently and you give the best version of yourself because one never really knows when the season will change.   When you are at peace with the way you lived with your loved ones, the journey to healing would be guilt-free and likely to be less traumatic.  

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