The Art Of Communicating With Your Partner When Things Go Wrong
Communication is the most important element to the success of any type of relationship, be it platonic/casual friendships, business, or romantic relationships. In romantic relationships communicating when there is an issue can become very complex, whether it is a challenge within the relationship or challenges brought on by external forces. Once there are emotions involved smoothing things over and talking things through may require a little more giving or pull back, depending on the personalities involved.
I do suppose though, in fairness to all, the nature of our personalities have to be taken into consideration. We all have our times when faced with challenges, where we prefer not to be around anyone. And depending upon the temperament of the personality you are dealing with, it is natural for them to clam up in the face of challenging situations whether intentional or unintentional. Sometimes, we just do not want to burden our partner with our problems or more time is needed to put thoughts into perspective before engaging in communication. However, it is normal when you truly care for someone, automatically if they hurt, you hurt. I would be the first to admit it can be a very painful experience to suddenly be on the outside, especially if compassion is embedded in your DNA. You may want to be the one person that can take away the troubles from your love. As hard as you may try, sometimes you simply cannot make someone else feel better about themself if they are working through deep-seated personal issues or if they are dealing with work or money related challenges. You simply have to give the person space and time.
Have you ever felt like you are the enemy in your relationship when conflict arises? Have you ever wondered, how do I get around to letting my partner know that I am not the enemy? It can sometimes feel dam near impossible when challenges arise to let your partner know they do not have to clam up and shut us out. Some of us genuinely love and care about the person we are sharing our life with, and though we may not have all the answers at our fingertips and we may not be able to solve every challenge, we genuinely want to be there for you. We want to be aware of your challenges, especially the ones that can affect our relationship negatively. You don’t have to hurt or worry or figure out the situation all by yourself.
In my relationship, I reiterate to my partner that together we are a team. It feels more secure thinking of us as a team, we are in this thing together baby, so if there is a challenge, it should always be us against whatever the challenge is.
In my relationship, I reiterate to my partner that together we are a team, it feels more secure thinking of us as a team, we are in this thing together baby, so if there is a challenge, it should always be us against whatever the challenge is. A lot of unnecessary conflicts arise on top of the ones that are already there that result in partners attacking each other instead of putting their heads together to come up with solutions. It definitely takes time to develop this type of intimacy and trust in your relationship and it takes two willing participants who are truly dedicated to playing on the same team to achieve the ultimate results that will be in the best interest of the relationship.
It is a very frustrating experience to share the same space with someone, who sometimes without a warning shuts down right before our very eyes, and we do not know how to get through to the person, or what to do. When this happens, resist the urge to pry, it can be annoying and some people are turned off by it. Having information that you are not ready to share dragged out of you by another is not the most pleasant experience. Sometimes it is best to leave it be and give it time. Remind your partner that you care and try your level best to give them the space they need to sift through and process their thoughts before engaging in a discussion. If the reason for their withdrawal is as a result of a misunderstanding you may have had, then both of you will have to give each other space to get to the bottom of your thoughts, check your egos, and calm your emotions before talking.
This is very important. Set the mood. When you get to the stage of talking, try to do so in a loving and caring way. Think of it as a discussion, an exchange of ideas or thoughts sharing, and not an argument. I suggest you sit and hold hands or make some kind of physical contact, that way your energy is connected and you can feel each other more intimately. Sip on a glass of wine or something, play some calm music, light a scented candle or an incense stick, so the moment feels light and not like it’s a burden to talk and work through the things that make you both uncomfortable.
Be sincere and honest about the way you feel regarding the situation. Listen! Not to respond but to really hear what is being said. When discussing issues, be conscious of your tone; try to say what you need to say in a calm loving tone, choose your words consciously. The listener should resist the urge to get upset. In heart-to-heart talks, you may hear things that, at the moment, may rub you the wrong way. Try to be as open as possible, don’t take it personally and try to see the situation in the reverse. Sometimes when the shoe is on the other foot it changes your perspective. Note, the biggest enemy to resolving conflicts is THE EGO. Ego has a way of blowing everything out of proportion. When getting into a heart to heart discussions, check your ego, leave it outside the room, and do your best to not take anything you hear personal. Two people who really care about each other would both do their part to contribute to resolving any issues that arise along the way.
Bear in mind that it would take some time and both parties need to exercise patience with yourself and with the other person, everyone doesn’t process information the same way or at the same pace. The important thing to be conscious of is, the two of you are on the same team working together to accomplish the best result for the situation at hand and ultimately the success of your relationship.
Communication, maturity, and understanding are some of the key elements that have to be implemented when dealing with this mind-boggling trait of withdrawal in the face of challenges. We have to invest the time in understanding our partner; we have to learn to be patient with the process, especially if the relationship is new. Also, there are some other important elements that both parties should be conscious of, fear and pride are the main reasons that can cause someone to clam up. Fear of being judged, fear of being ridiculed, or fear of betrayal. Maybe who knows, it’s all within good reason, some folks don’t unpack their past. More so, it is important to understand that we are individuals evolving in our own ways, and at our own pace, therefore when we get together, our relationship will continuously be a work in progress.
However the cookie crumbles, it takes a whole lot of trust and confidence for someone to get to that level where they are comfortable enough to know that it does not matter where, how, when, or why; with you, they are always in a safe place. And a safe place in relationships is cultivated by both parties being open to giving the same.
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