HEAL BEFORE YOU DEAL

Many of us take it for granted that we can jump from one relationship to the next without taking the time to heal. There is an adage that says, “Heal before you bleed on other people who had nothing to do with your cuts and bruises.”

Things to consider before you share yourself with someone.

Take a break. Invest time to heal, do the work, indulge in personal development, take the time to recognize your stuff.

Connect with yourself. Take the time to do some self-reflection and some honest introspection; what do you want? What does your ideal relationship look like, and how does it feel in your mind’s eye?

Most times, when we work on our list, we usually focus on our wants. But have you ever given a thought to what your non-negotiables are? What are your deal-breakers? The things that you would absolutely not settle for despite how perfect the person is. When making your list, focus on one side, the things you desire, and on the other side, the things you will not settle for if it shows up. For example, on my list of non-negotiable, there is no form of abuse.

Invest time in connecting with your higher self. Develop an intimate relationship with yourself, learn to trust your inner guidance. Most refer to this as the gut/intuition/higher self/holy spirit; however you choose to fondly address IT. MASTER YOUR GUT GAME!

Adjust your mindset; what are your thoughts about men/women as it relates to relationships? Do you believe in love? Do you think you can find a complementary partner with whom you can explore life together? Many men/women dog out love after one or two negative relationship experiences. There is a universal law that I used to struggle with that says, “you attract who you are.” I truly believe whatever you want for yourself, you have to be willing to give to others literally. If you want honesty, you have to be honest.

Life will test you until you get it. This also ties in very strongly with your relationship with your intuition. If you have this relationship down-packed, you will learn to trust the signs that come when someone is not the right one for you. Remember, it is imperative to master your gut game.

IF YOU ARE ALREADY IN A RELATIONSHIP, HERE ARE FEW THINGS TO PAY ATTENTION TO

Give yourself room to understand your partner’s mannerisms, temperament, etc.

Give the other person room to be them. It is paramount that you be your authentic self to the best of your ability. 

Most times, when strangers meet, they are not always honest with one another. They present a fake persona, so when the connection is made, it is not genuine. You now have one or both parties falling for people who were not sincere from the beginning. This creates a situation where one or both parties are uncomfortable.

I encourage you to present your best self at all times; it will be less stressful as the relationship gets comfortable. And speak up if something that you don’t like comes up, have a conversation about it, don’t pretend to be okay with things that make you cringe on the inside.

This brings me to the next point, Communication. Be honest with yourself and the other person. Create the ambiance to indulge in regular intimate conversations outside of sex. This is so important. Understand that the best way to get along is to let go… no one is perfect. Some things that may irk you the most are the very thing that is designed to level you up. It may not necessarily be about your partner use discernment to figure this out.

If you are in a long-term situation, it might be better to adjust your perspective. I am not recommending that you compromise your integrity or your non-negotiables. But as we know, sometimes the little things in relationships can become the big things if it’s not managed. No one loves to be with a constant nagger.

Don’t jump to conclusions; save yourself and your partner the agony of making an assumption by asking a direct question not in an aggressive manner but out of genuine concern. Everyone is doing their best to navigate their own individual challenges even while being in a relationship. Sometimes it is okay to give each other space; that does not mean you no longer like spending time with your partner or vice versa. If your gut game is on, and you understand your partner, there would be no need to walk around being suspicious of your partner. The divine mind knows, and the Divine mind shows. Everything you need to know will be revealed when the time is right.